Archive for January, 2010

prayer to god.

Posted in emo on January 20, 2010 by darryl zero

Dear God, or Whatever the Fuck You’re Calling Yourself These Days:

I’m generally not into asking you for things, but please, please, please, please, please put in a good word for me, so I can get the fuck out of this town with some semblance of dignity. I mean, I’ll crawl out of this fucking place if I have to, but I’d like to leave a place with a reason to hold my head high for a change.

Oh, and I’m not asking for a miracle or anything, but just some information as to what’s going on with a certain family member would be helpful. They’re a good person, and they don’t deserve to feel the way they feel. Fuck, if you really want, I’ll change places with them–you know I’m not doing anything of significance or importance.

Oh, and please stop helping people win boxing matches and football games and help those poor people in Haiti? And, while I know they’ve sold their souls to that other dude, could you please just give all Republicans tuberculosis? At least that way, one way or another, we’ll get socialized medicine.

I’m sorry my prayers are more infrequent and less-creative than Steve Albini’s, but what can I say? The man’s a legend, and I’m a fucking loser. Besides, I try not to spam your inbox with what even I consider to be trivial suggestions which I’d be better served trying to figure out my own damn self. I don’t really care about whether or not you exist–I can’t imagine the absence of a god (I mean, it had to have been SOMETHING cool that invented Piper Hollis), but I try to handle my business and consider not being a complete fuckmouth here on earth as my means of doing your will.

So, yeah–I would totally understand if you brushed this prayer off, feeling no obligation to provide any means of enlightenment or assistance to a presumptuous asshole who feels no real obligation to trumpet your greatness, but look at it this way–at least I’m consistent about how I see you, as opposed to those religious nutjobs–and hopefully you know my sense of humor well enough to know that, while I certainly hope you see fit to be kind enough to help me out, I’m logical enough to know my problems can all be solved by simply working harder and that there are other people who need your help more.

Although if you showed me a reason for all of this bullshit, I really wouldn’t mind. And use that knowledge only for good. Shit, I might even go back to church again.

But only a liberal hippie one.

Anyway, I have to order a pizza and work on repressing my anger while doing my hair, so I hope your existence finds you in favorable condition.

And thanks again for Piper, and for knowing I’m truly thankful for a hell of a lot more than that.

Oh, shit–is my prayer completely invalidated if I casually invoke “hell,” or do I get bonus points for using that other guy’s home’s name in vain? (Although I suppose if my language truly mattered, you’d be turned off by my use of the words “fuck” and “shit”–which, by the way, I can’t possibly believe you’d ever be offended by–oh, fuck it.)

Well, anyway–thanks.

I love you.



top 100 of the decade. part 1.

Posted in music, nerdiness on January 9, 2010 by darryl zero

EDITED: I messed up and forgot the Blitzhosen album, because I was convinced it came out in ’99. My bad. Apologies, Andy, Mike & Matt.

Okay…no clever writing to go with this, just a stone-cold list of albums.

So–rather than be like Pitchdork, I’m going to start with the top 50 and continue with the next 50–considering how long I agonized over the first 50, it might take a couple days to whittle down the next 50.

1) Radiohead – Kid A (2000)
2) Helms Alee – Night Terror (2008)
3) Glifted – Under and In (2003)
4) Frankenixon – Depth Perception (2002)
5) The Microphones – The Glow, Pt. 2 (2001)
6) The Mountain Goats – Tallahassee (2002)
7) Battles – Mirrored (2007)
8) PJ Harvey – Stories From the City, Stories From the Sea (2000)
9) John Vanderslice – Cellar Door (2004)
10) Maserati – The Language Of Cities (2002)

11) Blitzhosen – The Manual Transmission (2000)
12) Eleni Mandell – Miracle Of Five (2007)
13) Portishead – Third (2008)
14) Dizzee Rascal – Boy In Da Corner (2003)
15) Jesu – Jesu (2005)
16) Converge – Jane Doe (2001)
17) Dälek – Absence (2004)
18) Shock-G – Fear of a Mixed Planet (2004)
19) Danger Mouse & Sparklehorse – Dark Night Of The Soul (2009)
20) The 90 Day Men – To Everybody (2002)
21) Rainer Maria – A Better Version of Me (2001)
22) Storm & Stress – Under Thunder and Fluorescent Light (2000)
23) Sigúr Rós – ( ) (2002)
24) Death Cab For Cutie – The Forbidden Love EP(2000)
25) Sepultura – A-Lex (2009)
26) Pelican – The Fire In Our Throats Will Beckon The Thaw (2005)
27) The Middle East – The Recordings Of the Middle East (2008)
28) Deftones – White Pony (2000)
29) Mono – One Step More And You Die (2003)
30) Interpol – Turn On The Bright Lights (2005)
31) Zeni Geva – 10,000 Light Years (2002)
32) The Paper Chase – Now You Are One Of Us (2006)
33) BLK JKS – After Robots (2009)
34) Dub Trio – Another Sound Is Dying (2008)
35) Solex – The Laughing Stock of Indie Rock (2004)
36) Jucifer – Lambs (2001)
37) The Extra Glenns – Martial Arts Weekend(2002)
38) Björk – Medúlla (2004)
39) Sonna – We Sing Loud Sing Soft Tonight (2001)
40) M.I.A. – Arular (2005)
41) Godflesh – Hymns (2001)
42) Don Caballero – American Don (2000)
43) Weedeater – God Luck and Good Speed (2007)
44) Cat Power – You Are Free (2003)
45) Be Your Own Pet – Be Your Own Pet (2006)
46) Charlie Haden Family & Friends – Rambling Boy (2008)
47) Last Days Of Humanity – Putrefaction In Progress (2006)
48) Bratmobile – Girls Get Busy (2002)
49) At the Drive-In – Relationship Of Command (2000)
50) Morphine – Bootleg Detroit (2000)